Finally.. The END.....

(can't think of a title.... The end)

Sorry for the long wait….
(Deepest apologies to Sand, keke yah lar U right lar, when I get back to work, Sure got no time to write blog one…)

I hope that I did not bore U too much with the previous entry….

I guess now U guys should have a better understanding on how we, the complex human beings deals with a situation. We really have a lot of conflict within ourselves then we think… And being females, the conflict is greater and we females have a harder time dealing with the emotions and maybe guilt that follows the actual action we choose…

So, what is the right thing to do? And Doing the right thing; is now no longer as simple as it seems….

CAN WE NOW UNDOUBTEDLY SAY THAT: WHAT WE FEEL IS THE RIGHT THING THAT ANOTHER PERSON SHOULD DO, IS REALLY RIGHT????

So, is it right to judge another person?
Id will say, nothing wrong… it's everyone’s right…
Super-ego will say, what right do U have???…
But what will Ur Ego say????

Back to my personal experiences…

I admit, I don’t have a good relationship with my in-laws… Is it my fault? Is it theirs’?

All I can say is that I’ve tried so many times to follow Mr super-ego, be it to please my dodo or to just try to do the right thing… But after so many times of hurtful response, I can no longer do it… I’m only human….

For me, the last straw was about naming BB Jae… Having to deal with my hormones after my delivery is already hard enough…
Many will say it’s just a name, he’s just being concern about the baby…
But it’s not! No one should cross the line…. No one should just assume the role of naming someone else’s child, disregarding a mother’s right to name her own son, no one should just think that he could do a better job and not even ask for opinion from the mother… It’s the cruelest thing anyone can do…

To Fid,
Don’t give up yet… I’ve known my husband since I was 19, and I have only given up, now… For someone U dearly love… It’s worth it… At least at the end of the day, U can say, U sincerely tried… Maybe if u tried harder, U won’t go down the road I went…
I believe it is hard on my dodo as well, he being caught in between… Similarly, it’s hard for Kor too…


To Kor,
The worst thing U can do to Fid is to tell her that she is reading the signs totally wrong… U need to accept the fact that there could be a reasonable doubt. When U just say, “no lar, ur just being sensitive” (or something similar), (maybe to try to make things better…) it just makes her feel that u dun trust her… And don’t try to make up excuses, it just worsens the whole scenario…
(believe me… dodo always says I’m just being sensitive, he trying to stay neutral… It really hurts….)

This is the end of my blog series…. I hope by now everything is back to the way it was…

Just something to add…
My blog will soon no longer be a public blog… I have came to know that maybe some people, that I have not intended to share my joy, may be silently enjoying my BB Jae’s pics…

For those people,
I’m not sorry about what I’ve shared in the above blog series… If U think that what I’ve written is a total made up story, then the more U shouldn’t be bothered by it… For what he did, (nearly caused BB Jae to loose his mother at a tender age…) I do not think U deserve to enjoy BB Jae…

(can't think of a title... Pic break)

Seeing light???

(Can't think of a title... part 6)

Let me now begin this part of the series by introducing a psycology theory…. ( Erm… sorry hor… it’s lenghty but worth to read)…

Freud's structural theory

Ego
In Freud's theory, the ego mediates among the id, the super-ego and the external world. Its task is to find a balance between primitive drives, morals, and reality while satisfying the id and superego. Its main concern is with the individual's safety and allows some of the id's desires to be expressed, but only when consequences of these actions are marginal. Ego defense mechanisms are often used by the ego when id behaviour conflicts with reality and either society's morals, norms, and taboos or the individual's expectations as a result of the internalization of these morals, norms, and taboos.
Although in his early writings Freud equated the ego with the sense of self, he later began to portray it more as a set of psychic functions such as reality-testing, defense, synthesis of information, intellectual functioning, and memory. The word ego is taken directly from Latin where it is the nominative of the first person singular personal pronoun and is translated as "I myself" to express emphasis. Ego is the English translation for Freud's German term "Das Ich."
In modern-day society, ego has many meanings. It could mean one’s self-esteem; an inflated sense of self-worth; or in philosophical terms, one’s self. However, according to the psychologist Sigmund Freud, the ego is the part of the mind which contains the consciousness. Originally, Freud had associated the word ego to meaning a sense of self; however, he later revised it to mean a set of psychic functions such as judgement, tolerance, reality-testing, control, planning, memory, defense, synthesis of information, intellectual functioning, and memory.
In a diagram of the ‘Structural and Topographical Models of Mind’, the ego is depicted to be half in the consciousness, while a quarter is in the preconscious and the other quarter lies in the unconscious.
The ego is the mediator between the id and the superego; trying to ensure that the needs of both the id and the superego are met. It is said to operate on a reality principle, meaning it deals with the id and the superego; allowing them to express their desires, drives and morals in realistic and socially appropriate ways. It is said that the ego stands for reason and caution, developing with age. Sigmund Freud had used an analogy which likened the ego to a rider and a horse; the ego being the rider while the id being the horse. The horse provides the energy and the means of obtaining the energy and information need, while the rider ultimately controls the direction it wants to go. However, due to unfavorable conditions, sometimes the horse makes its own decisions over the rocky terrain.
When the ego is personified, it is like a slave to three harsh masters: the id, the super-ego and the external world. It has to do its best to suit all three, thus is constantly feeling hemmed by the danger of causing discontent on two other sides. It is said however, that the ego seems to be more loyal to the id, preferring to gloss over the finer details of reality to minimize conflicts with the pretending to have a regard for reality. But the super-ego is constantly watching every one of the egos’ moves and punishes it with feelings of guilt, anxiety and inferiority. To overcome this, this ego employs method of defense-mechanism. Denial, displacement, intellectualization, fantasy, compensation, projection, rationalization, reaction formation, regression, repression and sublimation were the defense mechanisms Freud identified. However, his daughter Anna Freud clarified and identified the concepts of: undoing, suppression, dissociation, idealization, identification, introjection, inversion, somatization, splitting and substitution.

Super-ego
Freud's theory says that the super-ego is a symbolic internalization of the father figure and cultural regulations. The super-ego tends to stand in opposition to the desires of the id because of their conflicting objectives, and is aggressive towards the ego. The super-ego acts as the conscience, maintaining our sense of morality and the prohibition of taboos. Its formation takes place during the dissolution of the Oedipus complex and is formed by an identification with and internalization of the father figure after the little boy cannot successfully hold the mother as a love-object out of fear of castration. "The super-ego retains the character of the father, while the more powerful the Oedipus complex was and the more rapidly it succumbed to repression (under the influence of authority, religious teaching, schooling and reading), the stricter will be the domination of the super-ego over the ego later on — in the form of conscience or perhaps of an unconscious sense of guilt" (The Ego and the Id, 1923). In Sigmund Freud's work Civilization and Its Discontents (1930) he also discusses the concept of a "cultural super-ego". The concept of super-ego and the Oedipus complex is subject to criticism for its sexism. Women, who are considered to be already castrated, do not identify with the father, and therefore form a weak super-ego, apparently leaving them susceptible to immorality and sexual identity complications.

The id
The id stands in direct opposition to the super-ego. It is dominated by the pleasure principle. A popular interpretation of the id is not that it is "convincing" the mind to ignore social norms, but rather it itself just does not take social norms into account when 'thinking' or 'acting'. The id is the primal, or beastlike, part of the brain, determined to pursue actions that are pleasurable, such as eating or copulation. The prime motive of the id is self-survival, pursuing whatever necessary to accomplish that goal.

The ego is not sharply separated from the id; its lower portion merges into it.... But the repressed merges into the id as well, and is merely a part of it. The repressed is only cut off sharply from the ego by the resistances of repression; it can communicate with the ego through the id." (Model of the mind which appears in Freud's 1923 paper "The Ego and the Id")

A little tuff to digest?? Let me put it in my way of understanding…

Id = SELF
Its like a me, myself and I thingy, where everything if all about one’s own happines and pleasures…

Super ego = the correct thing to do
It’s like an unwritten law, erm… the most right thing to do, to the extend of how God would behave in the same situation…

Ego = balance between Id and Super ego
Doing the right thing but not hurting owns’ feelings…

Something like that lar…

Every single human being with a sound mind, has this theory in bulit in them…. Our ego is forever trying to not let Id take the upper hand… Most of all our behaviours are governed by Ego… Well if we are keen of getting into someone else’s good shoes, we let the super ego succeed…

In a similar way, if we dun like that person, we will glady let Id win….

At times, the battle is not as clear cut… Should I just listen more to Id?? Or should I put myself down and follow Super-ego more???
Lets just say, it’s a really tuff job being “Mr Ego”….
And what about the external factors?

Could we all just disregard the presence of Super ego?? In theory we can’t :( But the super-ego is constantly watching every one of the egos’ moves and punishes it with feelings of guilt, anxiety and inferiority. To overcome this, this ego employs method of defense-mechanism. Denial, displacement, intellectualization, fantasy, compensation, projection, rationalization, reaction formation, regression, repression and sublimation were the defense mechanisms Freud identified )… We feel bad, horrible…. Then we start telling ourselves that we are at no fault, blaming everyone else but ourselves…

I guess that’s where all the conflict starts, that’s where all the unhappiness and disliking begins… And like a snowball, it just rolls and rolls…

In reality, one can’t always let Id rule their way of life… I know I won’t… Well I guess some of you would be thinking that I’m so hypocrite… But Just take a min to think about it, one can’t just go telling everyone off, just to be honest…

Take at your workplace for example, U can’t be telling ur boss off, as and when U like right??? That includes ur co workers…. How to work together if everyone keeps telling everyone off… COW!!! Not possible lor… How to work like that??? We still have to conform to a certain degree of social norms lor….

To be continued...